Welcome, Wild Ones, to the inaugural episode of WBN's intergalactic extravaganza! Your hosts, Goodlander and Saunders, are geared up to take you on a wild ride through the cosmic ring. Hold on tight, because the legendary Bolgar is making a jaw-dropping return from retirement, promising a comeback more anticipated than a solar eclipse! It's a face-off against the audacious Locke, a rising star who's been shaking up the Wildcard universe with lightning reflexes and strategic genius. The arena is pulsing with energy, and we're not stopping there. Get ready for a curveball, folks, because Fendor, the alleged "copy clone," is throwing his hat into the ring, adding a touch of controversy and a whole lot of cosmic chaos! But that's not all, space-faring fans! Hold onto your comet tails because rumor has it, there's a scandalous twist in the mix. Allegations of cheating are swirling around, adding an extra layer of intrigue to this cosmic showdown. As Bolgar steps out of retirement and Locke rises to the challenge, all eyes are on the ring for a battle that promises to go down in WBN history. Will Bolgar's raw power conquer Locke's precision? Will Fendor's clone status bring an edge to the game? And what about those whispers of foul play? Join us in this high-stakes cosmic game, where legends are made and surprises are aplenty!
No. Did you what? What?
You didn't know.
Welcome to WBN. Goodlander. Saunders rental tux. Probably borrowed from a friend. Frostburn. Yeah. Do not adjust your set, because only one thing happens on this rock, and it's not a drum circle.
No. But there will be a beating. Nice, because Locke and Bolgar are squaring off in a rubber match five years in the making.
Like my back tattoo.
Super gross. Now, reno this planetary rivalry Kronos versus love. Abub. It has everything. Tech versus nature, royalty versus peasants. Fair play versus cheating.
Alleged cheating. We have to say that.
But how did we end up back on this charming space rock with the turrets that go pew?
In a word, Jot. The promoter Jot Rustin, who also owns this network. Yes, he has very soft hands. Too soft sometimes. Okay, Jot. Lord Lubabub and champion Bolgar out of retirement to face Locke and the Chronos team one last time. So we have Jot to thank for that, no matter what else we may think of him.
And we only think the best. Naturally.
Naturally. Naturally. Naturally. Whoa. Cheering crowd. Funky smell. Those can only mean one thing. Team Lubabub has landed. Let's take it down live.
Oh, my God. Gorrit. Looking good, big fella. This is Bolgar's best player.
I can never tell if Gorrit is an ape that looks like a tree or a tree that fights like an ape.
So does that really matter when he's smashing you? Not one bit there's, Lumph, the defensive star.
A star that might collapse in on its own gravity.
A little weight's good on the defense. Isn't that right, Garris?
I am slain.
And here's the fungus among us that caused all that trouble.
No proof has ever been offered that Spord cheated.
He did not miss. No proof. Legally speaking, no proof. So here he is, ready to defend Bolgar's title. Oh, my gosh. And here's the champ himself. It's Bolgar.
No assembly required. This mountain man comes complete with bears. Whatever. If you get the chills seeing the champ back in the ring, ask your doctor if Wildcard is right for you.
People do get the chills. Because Bolgar isn't just a champion, he's a revolutionary who freed Lubabub from the Valid dynasty.
And King Bala fled off the artificial moon Kronos, creating a techno paradigm, some say dystopia, that in any case, produced outstanding Wildcard champs. Oh, and here's the best of them.
This is Locke, the first-ever non-royal champion of Chronos. You know, he beat out the crown prince to get that spot. And they're saying the king was not happy.
They're saying you need better sources, Reno.
You mean you are?
They well, which they proverbial they this.
Is Wotchy answering the perennial question, who's a good boy?
Yes, he is.
Yes, he is. Oh, and that Janz dropping in.
Oh, my God. You love it.
I love it. I love her. I want to lie about it. That cannonball is her signature move.
Oh, my God. Did Lumph?
Did she what? It looks like Lumph is cosplaying as a Chronian. Hold on. No. This just ended in a last minute reveal to the lineup. This is Fendor.
They straight up copied Lubabub's key defensive player. Is this even in the rules?
Well, the rules of this grudge match are whatever Jot Rustin wants.
And he's right to want these.
And we love that.
And we love those. Love you, Jot. We love you. Text me, bro.
Well, the players are here, and so are we.
And so are you.
And it's only going to get wilder. So stay tuned for more Wildcard.
Wildcard. See? I said it last.
It does matter. It matters. It says last Wildcard.
No, not in the contract. Yeah, Wildcard.